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I am a 21 year old student from Ireland, I am studying to be a Product Design Engineer at Dundalk Institute of Technology. | |||||||||||||||||
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Six months after the waiter died, his widow went to see a medium, who promised she would contact the dead man. During the seance, the widow was sure she saw her husband standing in the corner, dressed in his waiter's outfit."Arnold!" she cried. "Come closer and speak to me!"A hoarse voice from the corner wailed, "I can't. It's not my table." A customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall: $500 IF WE FAIL TO FILL YOUR ORDER!When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant nuts on rye. She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchen where all hell breaks loose! The restaurant owner comes storming out of the kitchen. He runs up to the customer's table, slaps five $100 bills down on it and says, "You got me that time buddy, but I want you to know that's the first time in ten years we've been out of rye bread!" Jon and Amanpreet were in a mental institution. This place had an annual contest picking two of the best patients and gives them two questions. If they got them correct, they're deemed cured and free to go.Jon was called into the doctor's office first and asked if he understood that he'd be free if he answered the questions correctly. The doctor said, "Jon, what would happen if I poked out one of your eyes?"Jon said, "I'd be half blind.""That's correct. What if I poked out both eyes?" "I'd be completely blind." The doctor stood up, shook Jon's hand, and told him he was free.On Jon's way out, as the doctor filled out the paperwork, Jon mentioned the exam to Amanpreet. He told him what questions were going to be asked and gave him the answers.So Amanpreet came in. The doctor went thru the formalities and asked, "What would happen if I cut off one ear?"Amanpreet, remembering what Jon had said was the correct answer said, "I'd be half blind."The doctor looked a little puzzled, but went on. "What if I cut off the other ear?""I'd be completely blind," Amanpreet answered."Amanpreet, can you explain how you'd be *blind*?""My hat would fall down over my eyes." | |||||||||||||||||
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Three men are traveling the Amazon, a German, an American, and a Polack, and they get captured by some Amazons. The head of the tribe says to the German, what do you want on your back for your whipping? The German responds, "I will take oil!" So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him 10 times. When he is finished the German has these hugh welts on his back, and he can hardly move. The Amazons haul the German away, and say to the Polack, what do you want on your back? "I will take nothing!" says the Polack, and the Polack stands there straight and takes his 10 lashings without a single flinch. "What will you take on your back?" the Amazons ask the American, who responds "I'll take the Polack!" The local priest came across Paddy who had stumbled out of the town tavern."Paddy," he said, " I'm afraid I'll not be seeing you in Heaven one day.""Really, Father?" slurred Paddy. "What have you done?" Zeke and Zeb decided to build a Bungee Jumping tower in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico to see if it would make them some money. After they got it set up, they noticed that the crowds gathered around but nobody was buying tickets.Zeke said to Zeb, "Maybe you should demonstrate it to them so they get the idea." After Zeb was strapped on he jumped and fell almost to the ground before springing back.As he came back up Zeke noticed that his cloths were torn and wondered what that was all about.Zeb went down again and this time when he came back up Zeke noticed that he was bleeding. Zeke thought, "Wow, what's going on here." Zeb went down a third time and this time when he came back up Zeke noticed that he had blood, contusions and cuts all over his body.Zeke pulled Zeb in and said, "Zeb, what happened?"Zeb groaned, "I don't know, but what's a pinata?? | |||||||||||||||||
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